Hostel

I've been thinking of moving into the hostel for a long time...


so I asked my mom for permission. she dont allow me to move in....I told her I woulnd have that much distractions if I move into the hostel..it's just for my result's sake....but she said she wouldnt want to miss seeing me grow up...she said I'll have a chance to stay in a hostel...i told her is not the same...she said if I move in to the hostel...we'll not have that much interaction...

my grandma..she always think in her way!! I dont like it...gosh!!! I told her it's not her fault that I wanna move into the school's hostel..i wanna move in to study..(plus it's fun to stay with your friends....)she's now upset cuz she thinks its her fault...and now it's really kinda HER fault that Im not allowed to move in...

I thought fr many days...thinking how to convince my mom....she told me she was proud of me cuz I've done my preparation(on convincing her and finding all the informations)..she told me she was convinced...I thought the same too..I thought I can convince her...I just cant think of anything,for her to disallow...but what she got is"I dont wanna miss seeing you grow up".. I was like *'SHIT'.... I asked her how on earth would see missed my growth,she said we'll have less interaction on daily stuffs like 'how am I goin on in school','how's my homework' and stuff...i told her I will tell her everything when I reached home on friday or saturday..she said that she wouldnt be fully filled with what happend...and about my grandma being upset of herself....these 2 reasons just made a PERFECT way to stop me from going....

ugh...I'm sad...extremely sad. Im fustrated.... I've been like this for the 2nd day..and it'll go on...(my fusstration)... there's a part that my mom told me about the growth thingy that eventhough there's gonna be happy,sad, angry memories but there'll be something to remeber...after that conversation..I though....from now on...there'll only be sad memories for them to remember....

Im sorry but still...

23.5.2010

TeaRs ArR sO IriTatinG.....

I have the feeling of crying...I dont know why...

I thought I was tha only person in tha world who has this kinda feeling..but I was wrong..ther're a few more close friends are like that to....

I hate it when my eyes produce tears even when I dont need them...huh...I like this phrase"nobody will know you better than yourself" this is so true !!! But I think my close friends know me fine...

I hate it when I cry...I have that feeling that my friends will feel "Carmen's cryin cuz she wants somebody to pity her.."...and that's bad...I dont want ppl to pity me...so I tried hell hard to hold my stupid tears from dripping outta my eyes...
But honestly...school is tha only place I can cry at...when I looked into Young's eyes....I cant stop my tears from rushing down...I always feel a little better after crying..but whatever feeling that made me feel like crying before...will come back in no time...

I wish to improve my english and my maners..I think I talk to loud and I keep shouting and screaming in class....I hate it..but I just cant help that crap to happen..so from now on..Im gonna force myself..to be polite...talk softly...and not to be so...so...bitchy??I dont know...
anyways...I hate it when I say "Har"instead of "sorry/pardon".....so I must change..It'll make me feel consoled if i'd changed....

just wish....

Why must everything be so....complecated??O.o?

Well...it's been a long time...I'd didnt write over here....Much missed but anyways..dont feel lke posting the past....

Sometimes I have this feeling that Im hated by friends...but I really wanna know who..and why?...
Friendship aint an easy thingto go through with....the word FRIENDSHIP sounds sweet and friendly...but there's danger hiding inside witch most of us fallen it to...I've been trying by best to maintain every friendship I have with my friends...useless...trying to not let them feel left out..but at last?? they still do....I doubt if anyone have a cure to that...I wish that I can be able to stay tough enough for the rest of my life not by not making anyone of my friends hurt,left out or hate me....but of course,If you really hate me..I have nothing to say about it...

respect..

you must respect elderlys.....please...respect them...
^^you dont know why they'll leave you...and its forever.....so..please appriceate^^

Tolerate....

I just need a little more tolerance.....to keep myself alife.....

Tolerance is all I need now...
I'll always get scoled eventhough Im right or wrong....so...I have to tolerate and build up my tolerations...mmmm..^^
I can do it..can I??

holidays....exam....

Huh..today is the last day of school for chinese new year break...Young went to Pinang at 10 something....Just saw her once today...Miss her sooo much...

I was looking for Hai Ryun at our school assembly today but failed....at last I saw her after school on the brige^^..she asked weather can I go out to Pavilion(donno how to spell><)on my bithday....I said Im not sure....Miss her too lar...

A lot of thinhs happened these few days...I think I hurt someone's feeling..but anyways..I'd apologised...My love life sucks XP!!.....today when I was having tuition at Kasturi..there's this couple(my friend and I noticed for quite a long time already..)..they sit together in every lesson^^....they sat together..but they dont talk...can you believe it?? then suddenly...I really admire them><....long time ago..I told Young.."I admire couples but dont not wanna get involved^^"..Some of my best friends or friends...feel like having a love partner^^so I just tell them to go for it if they can handle it^^....I think couples are really sweet...I love to see couples..*weirdo>_<* haha...


I owe Jas and SK 998 tickles....uuuhhhhT.T

After the holidays....are EXAMS!!!!
HAVE TO WORK HARD T.T

I think this'sfor today^^gotta go to bed...

...

sorry....