My life has changed in a weired way...

Hmm...

Im 15 this year...
Im going to be 16 already...
honestly this is the worst year of my life..
I loved you. gave up. and love you...again..


You guys are my good friends...
But the way you guys treat your relationship between friends are...scary
Im sorry...I was scared. thought that I have mental problem.Not joking.
Thought that I'll die...But thank god I didnt..I dont wanna die...It's to scary..
I tried to tolerate..but to you guys whatever I do is always wrong...*shrug* I tried to ignore what you guys think 'bout me...(well it's always a bad thing,that's why Im trying to ignore the unplesant feeling)but everytime I tried to ignore...y'guys think Im ignoring you...huh..

I tried to not quarrel with you guys and just let you guys get pissed off at me anytime you want....like Im a very flexible puppet..well seriously I dont mind. As long as you guys are satisfied.

I tried to ask what's goin on when you're pissed at me(cause I seriously dont know what on earth did I do wrong)..you choose to not tell...
I'm confussed with my life.

Life shouldn't be like that.

We should enjoy and smile always.

I love to smile. Does anyone know that? I really love smiling...but I cant any more. I actually dont FEEL like smiling. what's wrong with me? Can someone tell me?
I really wanna be me. The girl who lovvees to smile,a lot. I failed.

My life has changed.
But I dont want it this way.
Please.
Can someone tell me Im not crazy?
Can someone tell me I can be the me who think life rocks??
Can someone tell me that I'm not hated?
Can someone tell me they can help me?
Can someone tell me I'm strong?
Can someone tell me I'm a good friend instead of hating me all the time?
Can someone always love me?
Can someone tell me I have a very very stable friendship with my best friend?
Can someone just help me?
Just save me from drowning into a miserable world where things changed awkwardly,unplesantly...?
Save me from this unrealistic world of hate......



18.9.2010
10:19pm